Stillness Experiment - Day 4-6

I thought I was looking from the peak but realized I was just in a valley and the peak was still in front of me. I am embarrassed to say that I become increasingly more inconsistent and allow time to get away from me. I over schedule myself so when my apple watch clicked for me to do an exercise I ignored it figuring I can just do it later. Once one day slipped the others fell like dominos.

Practice stillness prayer for 20 mins a day
Day 4
Stillness was in between a busy day. I took sometime to sit but like the first day I was easily distracted. I continued to rest, mind get busy and go back to my to do list. It was very unproductive.

Day 5
Friday I had a youth activity that evening so I took a while to rest. I spent a long time in silence and listening. I realized that I have allowed a lot of my schedule to control what I do. When I get a break, I am exhausted and try to catch energy to go to the next thing. It taught me to realign my schedule and find a better balance.

Day 6
Another full day. I did not get my 20 mins today

Solitary walk ride for at least 20 mins a day & Practice Lords table as family each day
Both of these practices were not done. Even though it was scheduled, my calendar went off while I was doing something else and never got back to doing either one.


Go on creative adventure
Day 4
Watched Abstract on Netflix. The show is about art and the first episode was on a The New Yorker artist Christoph Niemann. They series documentary showed how the cover had to change specifically in terms of the digital magazine and how the digital magazine expanded the physical magazine. It was pretty interesting watch him make the transition. Magazines are loosing sales and The New Yorker had to innovate to keep the interest of its subscribers and it was really unique way of showing how they accomplished that. It reminded me of the church and how we need to continue to stretch ourselves and innovate to reach the upcoming generations.

Day 5
This was a day of play. After a long night of serving the homeless, I came home and played video games with buddies from Kentucky. I had my friend and my son at my house and played against 3 others. This was a reminder that we need to take time and have fun and fellowship. It was well worth the investment in friendship and in the case of my son, a place where we connected.

Day 6
Put together a bed. For me this helped me "complete" something. Right now I have so many open ended projects that I felt unaccomplished. I woke up and decided to go into the extra bedroom where 3 unopened boxes sat and decided to make it my goal to complete. After it was complete, the boxes removed the room looked like a regular room. This became a reminder that sometimes we need to complete the task in front of us. Many times I give up on task and choose an easier route but to accomplish the right task yields better results.

Stillness Experiment - Day 3

For all the 0 people waiting for an update.... 

So here I am at the peak, I trudged through the final ascension and I am looking below, its still a busy week but the busiest part is behind me... This is why I didn't post and why I slept in and why I have already missed two of the experiments scheduled for today. They will get done but just delayed... So here is a report from yesterday:
 
Practice stillness prayer for 20 mins a day
This was sloppily slipped in between a very intense busy day. I learned a lot about myself in this small amount time though. I find ways to keep myself busy, I brought an old journal (seriously thought it was mine and was empty) and intended to jot down thoughts and potential gleanings from God, instead I opened to find it that it had already been written in. Inside was a lot about, well at least about who I was. This started to gear my brain towards who i've been, who I am and who I am going to be. There has been a lot of waiting for God to open up an opportunity and after 10+ years that opportunity has been seeded. I am curious what it will look like what its been watered and starts to come into fruition. I wondered if it will bear fruit and what that fruit will produce. I am older and still in youth ministry so I wondered how the tree will look after a few years. What is God's purpose for me, why did I have to wait, what will ministry morph into for me. 

My brain was filled with questions and metaphors. Maybe God is leading my thoughts we will see if anything is revealed as the week unfolds.

Solitary walk ride for at least 20 mins a day
This was a hard, I get up early and I didn't feel like trying. But it was worth it. I have been using this time as exercise but no music, no tv just me riding in silence. This has taught me a lot about my body, I have abused it for so long that it is hard to keep up. I can feel my muscles stretching and the fibers bursting. I am tired but I feel better throughout the day. I listen, I don't talk, I typically say a little prayer and ask God to reveal something within me. Still waiting... and hurting

Practice Lords table as family each day
Tonight was a rushed night, my intent was to do the Lords supper with the youth group but it didnt happen, so it got missed. To be honest, I missed it, it was an excellent reminder for me. I will be doing it tonight!

Go on creative adventure
My creative adventure is doing what I love to do, hang out with students. It's an adventure because I don't know them well yet so its a task to get them to open up. A few are starting to know me and its been an interesting. 

I will continue forward and working towards completing this experiment. Still waiting on what God is teaching me!

Stillness Experiment - Day 2

Day 2 was a lot more difficult than day 1. It was a challenge to keep up with my designated time slots but I did my best and will attempt to do better tomorrow.

Practice stillness prayer for 20 mins a day
I essentially rushed this and fell asleep. Typically I would try to do this in the morning but in this situation I was out for a hospital visit. When I was able to get time, I was exhausted and sitting still was going to be difficult and my sitting still turned into napping still. The crazy day continued and I was not able to complete this adequately.

• Goal tomorrow is to accomplish this even if I need to reschedule in my calendar.

Solitary walk ride for at least 20 mins a day
The ride this morning was good. I rode in complete silence and did my best to listen. I was able to hear that my body hurt but thought about what the pain meant. I have been unhealthy for the last several years and the hurt reminded me that through pain I will get back to health. The church has left its scars on me and its been a painful several years of reminders but its in this season that I am feeling much more healthy and ready to continue on in God's service even in a new environment.

Practice Lords table as family each day

Tonight was a little rushed and because of some miscommunication between my wife and I, frustrating. I decided to go ahead and do the Lord's supper with my children. They actually asked for me to do it so it was a great reminder that my children are watching and learning from what I do.

Go on creative adventure

My creative adventure did not happen tonight. It was a busy night and I schedule it for the end of the day.

• Plan ahead for what adventure is going to be 
• Schedule earlier in the day 

Tomorrow is my busiest day, this experiment is about embracing the stillness so it will be my greatest challenge. It reminds of going up hill, the hardest part is when you get close to the top but if you can make it to the peak its downhill, Wednesday is close to the top and if I can get a good successful day in, the remaining 4 days should be easier to handle.

Stillness Experiment - Day 1

I am currently going through an experiment. The following are my results from Day 1 of the experiment:

Practice stillness prayer for 20 mins a day

I put my phone on do not disturb and tried to not look at my phone. I sat still and listed.  First mistake, I drank coffee, this made it increasing hard to concentrate.  I tried this at my own home, this caused another distraction because I kept seeing and wanting to take care of things I felt needed to be taken care of. I decided that tomorrow I need to make a couple of changes:

• Change venue, find a place that is not distracting.
• Leave phone, even though I had the phone on do not disturb, I kept looking that time.
• Do not drink a caffeinated beverage, this will allow me not to be so hyped up and should allow me to focus
• Bring a journal to write down 2 things, the first, write down to dos and distractions to get them off my mind. Second, write down my thoughts that are relevant what God might be telling me. 

Solitary walk for at least 20 mins a day

This is more of a solitary ride, but took a ride with no music. I rode in complete silence and took in the silence. At one point I prayed for God to make some revelations to me, now awaiting those revelations to come into fruition.

Practice Lords table as family each day

Decided to do something a little different. During our regular meal, I stopped my wife and children and decided to use what was on our table to do the Lords supper. Pork represented the body and water represented the blood.  It was a little humorous as we were not use to doing this, my 7 year old daughter giggled but it was unique and we had a small conversation about what it meant. It was a pretty cool experience.

Go on creative adventure

My creative adventure was using technology to communicate with a group of people through a game. My wife and I connected with 3 other people and played Quip Lash 2 on xbox one and used twitch to live stream the game so that everyone could participate. Even though we were not all in the same place we played, laughed and connected as a community. Technology was only used to connect, I didn't look at facebook, emails, or any social media.

 I haven't gleaned anything from God... yet, but this is Day 1. My prayer is that this is setting up the week. I will make a few corrections, and these corrections should help me embrace the stillness a little better. I look forward to what God might reveal in the days that follow.

Exciting News

Most of our friends and family know this new piece of information, starting July 15th I will be the new youth pastor at Central Church and I could not be more exciting. 

The past 4 years have been a process of waiting, waiting, and more waiting.  Several churches were in the process of a search for a new youth pastor, I sent resume after resume looking for the right fit, a couple looked promising but many had no movement in my direction.  So we waited somemore...

I'm not sure why I had to wait but I do know that I believe God has something in store at Central and I am excited about being a part of the new things going on there.  With that said, I am hoping this blog becomes "central" to my journey (pun absolutely intended) with this new venture.  This will be the place to see the successes and failures on this journey and hope to be a place where these things can be processed and serve as a place to remember and learn. 

So here is the first of what I hope to be MANY new blog post in the coming future...

Top 5 +1

Yet again its been way to long since I have posted last on my blog.  Possibly because I am pretty confident that no one really read it.  Anyway, I always thought it was important to blog, for others to experience a little of who I am through this digital journal.

I recently, well today, went through some old post that I haven't posted for one reason or another, this particular post was a "my goals" post that I was intending to have accomplished in the summer of 2010.  It's kind of depressing for me to read but this might be a good start to get focused for summer 2011.  If I can commit myself I will go through these and see how they can change for me.

I am writing this as of April 19, 2010 at 9:27 a.m.

Yes I should be working...

TOP 5

The following are the top 5 things I would like to accomplish in 3 Months.  I am writing this in advance and plan on adding results as months go by.

1. Spiritual awakening

I am down on myself for letting this get away from me. I have allowed the negative things of this world control my attitude and my spiritual life. 

Focus: Read the Bible more, engage in conversation about God more, be proactive about my convictions.

2. Weight Loss

This is one I have struggled with since I got to where clothes do not like to cooperate with me.  I want to look and feel good again, I want to play and not get winded, I don't want to go to the Dr's anymore out of fear of something being wrong.  Last night (4-18-10) I weighed myself on the wii and it said I was 227 

Focus: goal in 3 months is to lose 30 lbs

3. Assessing the Future of Ben Mills

I am being vague on purpose.  This deals with what I want to do with my life.  Life is just beginning and now I want to see what is in store. 

Focus: More details will hopefully come

4. A Better Husband and Father

It is no secret that the last several months I have struggled with some anger "issues" These are part of my frustration with my own personal issues of feeling like a failure and being a parent to a son who loves to push my buttons.  My plan is to make more family time, turning off the t.v., going outside, doing more activities together, doing anything that would allow my family to connect with each other and to put smiles on each other their faces.

Focus: Find ways to connect and engage my family with each other

5. Be More Positive

Elizabeth told me she likes to dress for the job she wants to have, in my case when the job (or pay raise) that I want to have in the business I work for is pretty casual, it makes it that much harder to stand out.  But she brought up a good point, I dress how I feel, which isn't much.  I plan on making myself feel worth something again, like I have something to offer, like I want to make a difference. This might not come in the way I dress but in my attitude on me personally.

Focus: Focus on the positive things in my life

+1 Ordination

This +1 is because it is now becoming a hindrance in my dream.  I need to complete it and I can do it pretty fast.  I have written time line after time line just to see them rush past me.  Each paper should be 2 hrs max but as I write I over-think and then these papers end up taking 1/2 a day.  I am 5 papers behind for licensing and 10 papers being for ordination.  I would love to have them done by June but not going to happen so on this particular piece I am sure I will be struggling with this 3 months from now.  So unless you see an update you can assume I am still working on it and for that I ask for your prayers.

More Coming Soon...

I finally have more coming soon... these past months have been difficult and a bit of whirlwind.  I have attempted to post several times and continually think about what direction I should take this blog.  For a time I thought about changing services and starting from scratch, other times I have thought about closing it down all together.  I am still at a loss as to what direction, especially since blogging has been replaced by one liners via twitter and facebook.  I have a plan but still not sure how that will come out.  Beyond that look for "More Coming Soon..."

Things I am most excited about right now:
Kinect
The Walking Dead
Conan
Halo:Reach
Fable III


Yes this is all tv shows and video games but what do you expect